Breakfast with Misha
TO: Vladimir Ustinov, General Procurator of Russia, Moscow Given today’s indictment in Moscow of Yukos head and multibillionaire Mikhail Khodorkovsky, I feel it is my journalistic duty to disclose the full extent of my past involvement with this nefarious oligarch, ravager of Russian industry and impoverisher of the Russian worker. A few years ago, at a Harvard investment conference, I had an innocent breakfast with Mikhail Khodorkovsky. I found him pleasant and unassuming, if a somewhat uncultured eater. There were no witnesses, but I assure you the meal was completely innocuous. It was just me and Khodorkovsky: mano-a-mano over bagels, cream cheese and a wobbly laminated table. In fact, our encounter was not very memorable and probably has no bearing whatsoever upon the case at hand. Still, I felt it my duty to report this, so that, Comrade, er, Esteemed General Procurator, you would have no doubts whatsoever about my character or good intentions toward your country. I believe we discussed the weather. We did not introduce ourselves, so it is highly unlikely that my name will come up in the course of your investigations, Esteemed Procurator. In fact, I had almost forgotten about our very innocent encounter until a few months ago, when I began to read about investigations of Yukos in the media. I of course vowed at that time to fully and honestly disclose my dealings with Mr. Khodorkovsky, should he be placed in administrative custody. I understand that, after a secret conference in his chambers, the judge in Mr. Khodorkovsky’s case saw fit to imprison the oligarch in pretrial detention for the maximum period of two months. Since Russia does not have to bother with petty matters such as habeas corpus or due process, this ought to give you ample time to prepare your case professionally, and I would be surprised if, even during that lengthy period of investigation, my name should ever come up. Certainly there are handfuls of individuals -- including even a few journalists -- who have had encounters such as mine with Mr. Khodorkovsky in the past five years. And I know you are probably receiving similar confessions from them at this very moment. If individuals are not submitting honest confessions, well, I think their actions speak for themselves, don’t you? You have shut down plenty of “independent” media in recent months, so you know how to deal with these sorts of folks, don’t you? Now some might say that an American publisher of a western magazine on Russia should not trouble himself with a confession to the General Procurator of Russia on a matter such as this. But I tell you, one can never be too careful. You know, the US Patriot Act has taught us journalists a few things about the importance of media accountability before the government in the past two years. Yes, I think I can safely say that American has taken a page from Russia’s book. We now realize the comfort and security to be derived from a corporate media properly embedded within the halls of power. For the record, at the same Harvard conference, I also interviewed economics minister German Gref, and had some rather interesting exchanges. But I assume you are already looking into the fact that both were at the same conference at the same time. I don’t need to tell you how to do your job. With kindest regards, Paul Richardson |
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